Sad, sad, and sad again.
Aug. 25th, 2024 11:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pavlovdogYou know, I always hated hearing ‘ it will get better’ from people who don’t understand what you’re going through. Sometimes it won’t ever get better. Sometimes life just has it out for you and teases you with giving you everything you asked for just to take it away at last minute. Fuck you life. Piece of shit.
I hate the feeling of uncertainty. The feeling of dread and anxiety and paranoia. Not being able to sleep at night. Spending too much time staring at the screen trying to keep my mind off of things. It only works for so long. Until I finally have to put the phone down and think. I hate thinking . I don’t like thinking about my life crumbling around me while I can’t do anything but watch, and try to pick up the remains one by one.
On a good note. I have a new job, and I actually really enjoy it. I have a new friend and were literally one and the same . It’s insane relating to someone so much, I think I finally found a new best friend? Of course they’re always bad parts to a job, whether it be the hours, or the pay, or a really creepy co worker. Sometimes I wonder what I have that makes me so desirable to men. I’ve been flirted with left and right and yet I can only think about one guy. I wish he was thinking about me too. It’s sad, yknow? Knowing you fucked a relationship up and there’s nothing you can do about it. While you watch them go on with their life like nothing happened while you can’t do anything but sit there a wallow about it. I can only cry so much. Do you think he misses me as much as I miss him?
I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t have to think about him or anything else. I’ve gotten more into writing and art. Recently got back into DND too! I want to learn more Japanese as well, and get back into coding, I want to be a jack of all trades. I want to do EVERYTHING. Luckily I’ve found the motivation to do these things again, it actually feels nice to be productive lol.
I hate the feeling of uncertainty. The feeling of dread and anxiety and paranoia. Not being able to sleep at night. Spending too much time staring at the screen trying to keep my mind off of things. It only works for so long. Until I finally have to put the phone down and think. I hate thinking . I don’t like thinking about my life crumbling around me while I can’t do anything but watch, and try to pick up the remains one by one.
On a good note. I have a new job, and I actually really enjoy it. I have a new friend and were literally one and the same . It’s insane relating to someone so much, I think I finally found a new best friend? Of course they’re always bad parts to a job, whether it be the hours, or the pay, or a really creepy co worker. Sometimes I wonder what I have that makes me so desirable to men. I’ve been flirted with left and right and yet I can only think about one guy. I wish he was thinking about me too. It’s sad, yknow? Knowing you fucked a relationship up and there’s nothing you can do about it. While you watch them go on with their life like nothing happened while you can’t do anything but sit there a wallow about it. I can only cry so much. Do you think he misses me as much as I miss him?
I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t have to think about him or anything else. I’ve gotten more into writing and art. Recently got back into DND too! I want to learn more Japanese as well, and get back into coding, I want to be a jack of all trades. I want to do EVERYTHING. Luckily I’ve found the motivation to do these things again, it actually feels nice to be productive lol.
