Ecstasy

[pavlovdog]

  another month another step towards our goals!

February went great. Better than I ever expected actually. I have a new boyfriend! An old friend some might say (more like a friend of my brother in law but the age gap isn’t a cause for concern.) But quite frankly? I’ve never been happier. I was always afraid to admit I’ve always had a crush on him. Kinda insane I’ve known him since I was 16 and now I’m 22 and finally get to be with him. 

work is still the same, kinda. I’m feeling better about being there. Less anxiety, thankfully. But I think the antidepressants also help. Which I’m proud to say I’ve been taking them again! I also got on birth control. I was worried about having side effects but as far as I know there’s nothing.
im hoping to get into a lead spot soon. I actually have the opportunity to do it now but I don’t want to leave the shift my boyfriend works on. Yes, we also work together. 

im still on the fence about being a mold tech. There’s only been 3 female mold techs since the place opened and I want to feel special knowing I can do a male dominated job. Depends on how I feel in a year. My bf doesn’t want me to, he was one at some point. Says it’s too stressful and he doesn’t want me to be stressed out and anxious constantly. I’m glad he’s concerned but it’s something I kinda have my mind set on. 

im also learning how to skateboard! Went today for the first time and I had so much fun! Thankfully I didn’t eat shit but I’m kinda planning on it lol. I’m glad I’m getting my goals out of the way. Still haven’t touched up on making music or coding but I’ve lost weight at least! 43lbs to be exact. I actually didn’t start seeing a difference until I dropped 2 pant sizes in 3 months. I’m hoping to be back to 160 by my birthday. It’s doable! 

im going to start making dinner/lunches so i can eat at work. Kind of an omad, roughly 1200 calories and hella protein. I’m trying not to starve completely. Even if I wanted to I don’t have that kind of willpower like I did when I was 17. So w I guess? 

im also changing up my style, going for a more skater/alternative type. Though, I’ve been alternative and emo since I was 12, it’s about time I actually learn how to dress right. Black jeans and band tees just don’t do it for me anymore, though I don’t think I can give up the skinny jeans just yet. I got some new shoes and ordered a new jacket. Think I’m going to clothes shop once I’m more comfortable in my body. 

it’s also about time I save up for a car. We’ve been looking into getting on for me. Something nice for a starter, but one I get my bread right I’m gonna try to save up for my dream car. My bf is a huge car guy and I’m started to be really interested in them now. Change feels great. I haven’t been spending much time in my apartment as I should be, it sucks being alone. But I’m still decorating it. Once I get it to feel like home I’ll feel better about being there. I feel like I have so much to say but I’ll leave it at that. Another month ahead and another opportunity for being better.