better days... maybe

[pavlovdog]

always some good news followed by bad news. i know i wrote not long ago and i don't have much to write about fuck it.

took my written test to get my licence.. failed. was gonna take it again the next day but plans  changed. which i cant stand. waited 3 days to hear back if i get approved for the apartment, didn't hear SHIT. but eventually called them myself and we got it ! gonna talk to my boss about upping my hours until we /actually/ move. which i wont hear until Monday when that is. but its fine, be patient.  but i rlly dont want to work there anymore than i have to. but ugh. fuck it dude. fuck it, fuck everything all the time. its been my mindset recently, i stopped caring. anyway

still having to get work done on the car, still just a battery and what not ,  not too expensive i hope. considering this is all coming out of my money, sigh. Cant wait to be making bank and be rich again. I still wonder how all my money was always gone when I was making good money back then… but , it’s fine. My mindset kinda changed, the first part was a couple days ago and yk what. I just feel fine. Mentally depressed, physically a mess and emotionally a wreck but yk what? It’s fine .

i love that my bf takes care of me when im on my period. Recently I’ve been cramping more than usual, which is odd. I’ve always cramped /before/ but never during. But now it’s like constant.   Laying in bed with a heating pad and some snacks my bf went and bought :’) should I be eating them? No. But yk what. It’s okay. I’ve lost 15 lbs already and I’m I’m gonna lose more. Gonna aim for another 15, hopefully more this month. Shh I know it’s unhealthy but shush. We locking in. I’m sick of being so insecure, especially in my relationship. Yeah my bf sucks most of the time but I’m also a culprit. I’m insecure and don’t even wanna let him out of the house in fear he’ll cheat on me. Which, part of me KNOWS he won’t, but the other half is so insecure I just feel like he will. But. Fuck. The better I feel about myself the more I won’t be insecure, right?. Trying to manage my stress, anxiety and depression all at once.

gonna try and watch a new tv show, I finally wanna watch euphoria. But, idk. Started watching a new show though and I love it. And my brother gave me his Crunchyroll so imma start watching anime again. My bf is watching seven deadly sins and I hate him for it. Not only does it suck, it’s a fucking gooner anime and nobody can tell me otherwise. I need new eps of the show I’m watching to come out but man, it JUST released so idek when. But I’m kinda doing things slowly. I think I learned how to actually take things slow. Hopefully. :) anyway , maybe gonna make a super short update on when I find out about the apartment. Stay frosty.