Pulling my hair out

[pavlovdog]

Why do things have to be complicated  I swear. I think my period is soon cause the smallest shit just sets me off, it’s insane. It’s annoying to deal with, and I’m more annoyed at the shit that’s making me annoyed. 

so we got a car, yay. You’d think I’d be excited. Not really, well, not only cause the car required more work than I thought. I’ve just been so fucking depressed recently. Nothing is making me happy anymore. Nothing. I finally took a shower after 2 weeks. And no I don’t care if you think it’s gross. Grab a razor and cut your wrist vertically. It sucks being depressed, with no motivation to even get up. But fuck it, it had to be done. Do I feel better? Eh? Again. I don’t care about anything anymore. Hell I’m debating on killing myself just so i don’t have to go to work today. I applied for so many jobs, ofc haven’t heard anything back yet. But whatever. Still hoping we’re moving. I think we’re gonna hear back on the 2nd. Which dude, I turn 22 in a month, I’m fucking sick to my stomach. Maybe it’s no big deal but fuck I don’t wanna age. I still haven’t accomplished nothing. Whatever, anyway. No hear back from anywhere. I’m wondering if it’s even worth it trying to get a job if we move. Which I’m rlly fucking hoping we will be able to. And I can get a job there, we can finally have our own apt. My bf can work. And maybe for once I can be happy. They say that money can not make you happy , do not like to me. Cause whoever said that shit was never broke and wasn’t tryna be. I’m rambling. I’m irritated with nobody to tell my thoughts to, so I’ll tell them to you. So maybe, that does make me happy. If not happy then optimistic. Is that the same thing? Whatever. I have to work with r words tomorrow and again, not fucking happy. God if you’re listening. Please let us get this apartment so I don’t fucking kill myself. I have a lot to live for I think.   I can’t sleep, ever. Probably won’t get any before work today. All I do all day is doom scroll. TikTok, instagram. Hey I posted art at least. Hung out with my sister, stole her iPad and made something decent. Maybe I should go over more often just so I can draw.. anyway, whatever, again. Don’t care about shit. Maybe gonna talk to my doctor at the end of the week to see if I can go back on zoloft